I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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