Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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