i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
