It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
