You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
