Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
