what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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