Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
