Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
