planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
