He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
