he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
