so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just gargled with NyQuil
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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