You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
