my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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