so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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