if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
