Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
