nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize