u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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