At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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