Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize