Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
