Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
