If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
