im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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