last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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