Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
