Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
