i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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