Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she looked like the before picture.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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