she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize