tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
