I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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