Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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