Say something about gay babies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
