Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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