i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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