Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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