last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
