And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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