Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
