I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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