so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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