Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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