I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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