Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
