The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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