i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
