As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this boner is exhausting
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
