He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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