Screwed.edu
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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