my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
