He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
