And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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