i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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