Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
