If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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