So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
