i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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