I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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