I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
