Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
