I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
