everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
