i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
